love without borders


It's day 31 since we've been sheltering at home, and new energies have been taking up space in the void.

Inspired by this little gem of video created by by artist, Misty Mawn's daughter, I decided to create a spring inspiration wall in my studio - a smattering of new images and feelings for a brand new season beckoning me forward. I had recently pulled a stack of sweet magazine layouts that felt like little sparks for my soul, which have since been sitting on my studio table waiting to be pasted in my art journal or added to collages. As I flipped through them, I could sense new energy and themes in the images and words (my Inner Alchemy is always at work), and realized they were meant for a new wall. Along with a few pieces that I wished to carry forward from my last inspiration wall in my old studio before the move, I went to work wash-taping it all together.

Some of the words:  this feisty Jack Kerouac shown quote shared below, also "Quiet the mind and the soul will speak"... "trust, authenticity, social impact, purpose, storytelling, positive change, sustainability" ... and this, "LOVE without borders", I knew was the anchor to it all. I can't stop staring at this image. It feels like something lost and something found, both grief and hope.


Back in 2012, I opened a document in Word and titled it, Memoir. I began to record some of the details from my earlier trip to Korea and all that had unfolded as a result including a newly rekindled spark to search for my biological roots. As I moved along the emotional landscape of all that a birth family search entailed, I soon realized that this was not a simple one direction path to walk along. It wasn't just following a trail of informational breadcrumbs, one to the next. Every small step was hugely confronting dredging up different parts of my history, beliefs and truths that may or may not have even been examined, let alone healed or reconciled. I just wasn't ready then. So I held the safer question close, for a while longer... Do I really need to know?

Eight years later I can see that I have done a lot of that inner work just by living my life as close to and as curious about the truth as possible, told through countless stories here on this blog, in my work and newsletters, in my art and journals, on my therapists couch, over long drives and countless conversations with close friends and beloveds. All of it, unintentionally processed and alchemized through my own messy explorations of creativity, bravery, being seen, abandonment, belonging, trauma, safety, trust, intimacy, embodiment, identity, and liberation. Looking back, I can see the seasons and cycles so clearly, and the journey simply has taken as long as it has to reclaim enough of the pieces I've needed to feel sturdy enough to ask a new question.

What do I have to lose? 

And when the answers start to lean towards, maybe there are things to gain no matter what the outcome, the time feels ripe and right to begin the search again.

Saturday, I printed out the application for the adoption records I have to be fully translated and today I began pulling out old photos, notebooks and files, piling them onto my studio table. I've got a a little something brewing, a way to help me document and capture some of what's flying about my head like a wild flock of birds. Maybe it will become something of diary or memoir, or maybe it will just end up being a really beautiful love note to my past and future self.

Either way, this inspiration wall feels like a fresh beginning and an ode to a new seasons of stories.





2 comments:

  1. your inspiration board is fantastic. and I'm sending you all kinds of good wishes as you capture - and fly with - that wild flock of birds. here's to discovery and growth and love (always love, yes?)...

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    Replies
    1. Always love. Thank you dear heart! I'm go grateful for these wishes.

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