As I was driving around yesterday, being sent to one pharmacy after the next to hunt down my prescription (finally got it filled at CVS #3 several towns over), I couldn't help but notice how good I was feeling. I had just gone for a long walk, the windows were down and the warm spring breeze was streaming in and I had the music loud and I was singing along. Then what started creeping is was guilt - "this is no time to feel good, people are suffering and everything is uncertain." I felt like the girl inappropriately smiling at a funeral.
It touched on exactly what a creative friend said to me yesterday as well, about how she was wrestling with whether or not to move forward with sharing uplifting content when the world was feeling so doom and gloom. It made me pause and wonder if I too should be careful about being too sunny. And so I've been musing on these questions ever since.
Where I landed, what feels like the wisest medicine to me, is that all of our feelings are valid. Not just now in this time of crisis, but always. When I was deep in the hardest grief of my life mourning the loss of my marriage, I remember there were also moments of joy and playfulness and contentment and things that made me laugh out loud. None of those discounted the difficult season I was in, or negated my sadness, or made it any less valid or true. It's the same way I felt watching the woman who just lost her husband dance at his funeral, and how that made me smile.
Because the truth is, we are never all one thing. We are dynamic, multifaceted, complex human beings with lots of feelings. I'd be lying if I said that I haven't felt fear and anxiety in all of this fallout, but I also feel inspired and motivated and grounded and deeply accepting of where we are in all this uncertainty.
I think the discernment for me is this; while I share what's good I have to also acknowledge and empathize with what is also really hard. To recognize pain is to also embrace joy. To make space for dancing and love is to also honor the tears and the times we fall apart. To play in color is to also invite the gray. Life is simply all of it, and usually many different things at the same time.
And... we are not all in the same emotional place or having the same experience. Ever. And it's all okay.
So here's my truth today. I'm living inside of color and want to share that with you. I also deeply feel the darkness sometimes, and when I do I'll still tell you what is real and true. But for now, the music is playing, creative projects are humming along, my energy and inspiration are flowing and I am so happy and grateful to be here in this space, if only for this moment, with you.
Thanks so much for being here with whatever truth you are carrying in your heart today. There is room for it all.