leaving to arrive


Yesterday I signed the lease on my new space. I can't tell you how long and arduous this process has been, both in the actual administration of apartment hunting on top of the wildly emotional ups and downs of leaving to arrive. It's taken five months of searching, twenty-five open houses, several applications, two heartbreaking rejections, and one angel realtor who eventually made my house dreams come true.

Honestly, I wasn't even looking for a house. Through this whole process I was trying to fit my whole life inside of apartments, budgets and floorpans that were honestly too small, stacking up the kids, sacrificing a creative space, even contemplating leaving Luna behind so I could just land somewhere half-way decent. Part of it was I wasn't being fully honest with myself with what I truly needed. To say I needed a 3 bedroom house with a studio and washer and dryer and a back yard and a bathtub, felt like way too much ask for. But every step urged me to think a little more clearly, gradually expanding the edges of what I imagined possible for me and my kids and the life I wanted to be stepping into. Then, one thing (as it always does if you keep moving forward), led to the next, and those spaces I lost, thankfully, I can see were simply stepping stones to keep pushing me to arrive here. And guess what color my house is?

It's pink.

And it feels like magic.

It wasn't until after I got the approval that I began to realize why this house chose me. I can see so clearly what my life might look like under this roof, should I be open enough to seek it. Everything just fits, while with all the other spaces I was trying to change the shape of my life to fit and sacrifice important parts of myself in doing so. This is exactly the corner I am trying to round. Oh the lessons, and how they show up. I totally owe the Universe deep bows of gratitude on this one.

I can't wait to share with you how it all unfolds in the new house! Right now I'm up to my eyeballs in packing and transitioning, and especially navigating all the feels of actually leaving. My kids are deep in it too.

This is day one.

I will lay on the warm, empty floor and probably cry for everything I've had to let go of to get here.

 


10 comments:

  1. Congratulations, Mindy!! I am looking forward to sharing this journey with you--and your picture of the big pink house on plum island is one of my favourite instagram shots. xoxo

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    1. I love that house too! and funny, my youngest thought that's where we were moving ;)

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  2. It's pink! That's beautiful. You are so being held.

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    1. the softest sweetest peachy pink. indeed I am.

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  3. I'm so excited for you. I'm in this space too, of expanding what I'm prepared to want for myself, although the circumstances are different.

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    1. there is excitement alongside so many other things... care to share more about what you're expanding into? how sweet to be in that space of possibility.

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  4. It does feel like we are being held and led in this transitioning phase, doesn't it? The very night I told my girls we were leaving everything behind, taking only one suitcase each, to go to a refuge for women back in November, that very night, I saw the appartment we are now living in. 48 hours later, the rent was signed. Its an affordable 5 1/2 which accepts dogs (this was my biggest challenge... as the dog is so very important for the girls, and I had promised them that wherever we would go, there would be room for Sookie).

    I wish I could offer my girls a house.. I know this is what they long for. Maybe in time. With the help of grace. But we did make this space our home, hanging fairy lights. And the girls tell me, often, that they feel good in their new home. It is a place where we light candles often, cuddle on the couch. It is a place where we no longer are afraid to be. Where we can breathe and establish new traditions.

    The fact that your house is pink is so very magical.

    Thank you for sharing the magic with us...

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    1. How amazing how the apartment lined up for you - and so wonderful sweet Sookie could come along! A house is simply the 4 walls you live inside of... home is the love and belonging that lives there, I believe. Yours will be magical too, I know. xo

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