on being a sex positive cheerleader
Before I claimed, simply, Feminist, part of my byline descriptor was 'sex positive cheerleader'. This subheading still rings true. I love to rah, rah, rah on empowering women's sexual exploration and discovery because it leads to discovery of so many other core truths. Nothing makes me more happy than peeling away the layers in delicious ways, but this thoughtful post got me thinking about my practices, and so as a responsible activist/teacher/storyteller I want my intent to be clear and not misunderstood. Especially with such touchy (no pun intended) subject matter.
It is not my intention to say that sex is awesome and the end-all and be-all, all of the time (it so isn't!), or that sex is even for everyone, because I know that it's not. My passion about what I share in the sexual realm is completely about self awareness, agency, and personal intimacy and values. It's one of the most honest and vulnerable lenses to look at your life through, therefore a powerful tool should you choose to see it that way.
I happen to like sex, but there have been times in my life where sex was not in the picture for a myriad of reasons, depression, disconnect with my partner, pregnancy and motherhood, wonky hormones, medication complications, relationship complications, and even a complicated and somewhat traumatic sexual history. And these are just a small handful of things that might factor into someone's sexual equation, so it's with this awareness that I tread gently and respectfully.
Helping women define their sexual story and safely untangle some of the factors in play, is where the heart of my work lies.
My sex-positivity is in providing safe spaces for conversations about sex in general, as a springboard to your own discovery - whatever that looks like, whether you are asexual, kinky, married or single, a rape survivor, polyamorous, gender queer or unsure, or whatever. There are endless permutations, which is exactly the point.... only YOU can define your sexuality, and oftentimes it changes and shifts with the many complexities of life. Sex is a tricky beast. All the more reason to name it and claim it, I think. Because it is a part of who we all are. Sex is universal, whether we're having it or not.
So it's about knowing what our sexual values are, embracing and honoring our sexuality and desires, understanding and exercising our own agency and responsibility... with as little guilt or shame as possible.
I truly honor the infinite complexities of these individual narratives. I happen to have found many of my own personal truths through discovering my own sex story, and I believe there might be magic in there for you too, which is why I choose to share through that lens. But it's not for everyone.
What I do know is that we all have a sexual narrative, and if I can empower you to think about yours in healthy new way, dispel some of the old baggage we all tend to carry around with this part of ourselves, and find a little more happiness in whatever that tale is, that, to me, is the icing on the cake.
We all deserve a little more happiness in every aspect of our lives, and some insight and clarity on what makes us tick sexually, I think helps.
I'll be the one on the sidelines with the sparkly pom poms rooting for the underdog, and in the arena of sex and sexuality -----> that is all of us!
So... GO US! We could all use more cheerleaders every now and then.