a gut feeling
Literally and figuratively.
Right now, it's all about my gut. From tomorrow's surgery to fix an incisional hernia from my last c-section, to trying to listen carefully to a bevy of internal feelings, reactions and intuition, my midsection has been showing up with lots of lessons for me and has been my most prominent teacher this year. It's caused me to slow way down, put some bigger projects back in the incubator and shift my thinking about nourishment in a broader way including what, why, and how I want and need to be fed.
It feels like a turning point, a milestone, getting my belly fixed. It's pushing me to make some important, long term decisions about my health and about my lifestyle, and what lies on the other side is a sort of healing that I have been working toward for what seems like forever. Not just healing of the physical, but a deep healing of some emotional messiness as well that apparently I've been carry around in my gut for some time. I know this injury showed up as a loud reminder and sort of the last straw to get my shit together or there could be more ugly consequences. Many points on my journey (and in my body) are begging me to get this right. After going gluten free for a good portion of this winter, and feeling so much cleaner and clearer, I know this is one of the changes I'll be leaning into along with being more in tune with my physical self overall.
I am looking forward to getting the actual surgery over with and being on the other side of this roadblock. I've been in pre-surgical limbo since the new year, and I can feel all my energy jammed up and out of flow. I haven't been able to move and groove like I want to, or make any real plans. It's been really stifling, but I've been doing my best to roll with it. I'm ecstatic about getting to be in my body again without pain. I miss barre classes and yoga and chasing my kids and comfortable sex.
Mostly, I miss feeling centered and strong and whole.
This is where I'm heading to next... strengthening my core from the inside out and really making it my priority, my foundation, my sanctuary (<---- word of the year, the intent has been there all along).
Clearly, it's all a blessing in disguise. My springtime is truly about to arrive.