things i'm afraid to tell you (part 2)
Writing this blog is like sharing a snapshot of my day or a tiny excerpt from a chapter in my life. I have always been thoughtful about what it is I write in this space and have always aimed to be honest in putting forth my truth. Yesterday I came here to write about what I stumbled upon on Marisa's blog, about the backlash that is all abuzz, that we somehow aren't transparent enough with what we post in these virtual spaces. I even re-wrote my About Page to better clarify my own intentions for this space, but it somehow had me reflecting on the things i'm afraid to tell you from a mother's point of view, such a relevant and related segue.
Anyway, what I unearthed from that particular ramble was how important it is to my own sense of security and self, this ability to find and share Truth, and how much it relates to my life right now especially as I search for a huge part of my own personal truth. Maybe there is something in the collective unconscious that needs more too, as we all are coming of age together on this wave of technology after all. I, for one, will never tire of the eye candy and light that many blogs offer, but I also appreciate and gain sustenance from those who share the messier parts of the human experience. It makes me feel, well, more human. I wrote a little about this movement in the Wishstudio today, so here, as a nod to all this rigamarole, I will share with you my own thoughts on things i'm afraid to tell you:
* My emotions rule my world. I hate to admit this, but it's absolutely true. Some of it is the day to day, a lot is the wide range of affective highs and lows that constitute my inner world, but much of it is tied to deeper unresolved stuff I am still trying to dig through so consistency and long term follow through with many things is really hard for me. And, I find myself yelling way too much. Yeah, not too proud about that one.
* If I had a secret superpower, it would be to make everyone sexually satisfied and uninhibited in their lives (not personally, mind you). I've always been fascinated by human sexuality/relationships, and find that the subverted and negative views our culture has on sex, drives me crazy (part of why I've found the Fifty Shades of Grey phenom so interesting). I listen to a variety of sex podcasts, more of the educational variety and less that lean towards smut (but those I think have their own merit too). Dan Savage is my hero, and in my next life I'm coming back as a sex therapist.
* I have a really murky sense of self, and always have. No matter where I am in life I feel like I don't really fit in, but this has always made me a really great chameleon. I can blend in and go unnoticed pretty much anywhere. I'm not sure this is a good thing, but it has served me well through many stages of my life. These days I feel more sure than I ever have as to where I fit in and how to feel comfortable in my own skin, so I'm happy to keep moving in that direction.
* I've had a tumultuous relationship with money all my life. I know it is deeply tied into my own sense of self worth, the way most things are I am finding.
What are some things you are afraid to share?